been having some bad energy in the studio as of late, or at least that what i have chosen to call it. i go in to work and just end up pushing paint around for a couple hours or starting something serious working on it for a bit then painting over it. im having trouble deciding on what to actually paint.. the past interiors i have been doing now feel empty in a way. this came about once i began to really think about if i am that connected to the images, above just an aesthetic level, enough to devote materials and labor into making them paintings. my solution to make a more connected interior painting was to paint an image burned in my head from childhood, an image of my grandmothers fire place(painting seen in a post below). but after working for a period of about two weeks on the piece i was left with something that i do not feel that close to still, the idea is still very important but the real struggle is getting the idea, that is perfect in my head, out; out onto paper out into words out onto canvas..
i really have long since envied those people who can just sit down and just start making something weather it be drawings or paintings. i guess i need to just accept that i don't really work like that.. i love paint and i never want to distance myself from it but the idea has been creeping closer and closer. this is my outlet.maybe its the holidays, the holidays in another country away from my parents and brother and friends..
tur·moil
ˈtərˌmoil/
noun
1.
a state of great disturbance, confusion, or uncertainty.
henri, i understand your turmoil. this is it. this is the universal struggle. often feeling disconnected from materials, the images, what you're working on. there is no answer, there is no method. keep moving the paint on the canvas. i feel detached from what i'm doing these days as well. i haven't made a thing in a long time. i have ideas, materials but the desire eludes me. at least your desire has not waned. i'll tell you what works. go to a museum, gallery, go see someone else's work. alot of work and stay consistent to a schedule of working and keeeeeep moving. don't stop. it comes in waves and the holidays often give us the blues. so much to do, traditions missed in a faraway place. take comfort and solace in abbie and your memories of xmases past and how great they were and will be again. all you're vfeeling is the love for your family and that is a beautiful thing. i understand and i empathize and sympathize. my work came in a flurry during my 20's 30's 40's. now i want to write and sing artsongs yet still feel compelled to use 3 dimensional objects in my own assemblage way. no artist is ever satisfied. there is only this queer divine dissatisfaction that compels us forwward and makes us more alive than the others. as a teacher of mine guitarist peter zaferis told me and i often think of it - "move forward, it matters" and it does. do that fireplace over and over and over. think of grandma charlotte and her home, your home and the power of the memory of bricklayers in your history your great grandfather emile sr and your grandfather emile jr. and why it is in your dna that you are attracted to bricks. do you know how significant that is and why it is your attracted to that image? go there, go deep, go beyond the bricks deeper into your history, past the bricks into what their color, stability, history, symmetry, location, visual memory all means to you and you alone in this moment when all of history pregnant and ripe with imagination comes flying into your consciousness. you got it, bro! gho deeper, always further
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henri, i understand your turmoil. this is it. this is the universal struggle. often feeling disconnected from materials, the images, what you're working on. there is no answer, there is no method. keep moving the paint on the canvas. i feel detached from what i'm doing these days as well. i haven't made a thing in a long time. i have ideas, materials but the desire eludes me. at least your desire has not waned. i'll tell you what works. go to a museum, gallery, go see someone else's work. alot of work and stay consistent to a schedule of working and keeeeeep moving. don't stop. it comes in waves and the holidays often give us the blues. so much to do, traditions missed in a faraway place. take comfort and solace in abbie and your memories of xmases past and how great they were and will be again. all you're vfeeling is the love for your family and that is a beautiful thing. i understand and i empathize and sympathize. my work came in a flurry during my 20's 30's 40's. now i want to write and sing artsongs yet still feel compelled to use 3 dimensional objects in my own assemblage way. no artist is ever satisfied. there is only this queer divine dissatisfaction that compels us forwward and makes us more alive than the others. as a teacher of mine guitarist peter zaferis told me and i often think of it - "move forward, it matters" and it does. do that fireplace over and over and over. think of grandma charlotte and her home, your home and the power of the memory of bricklayers in your history your great grandfather emile sr and your grandfather emile jr. and why it is in your dna that you are attracted to bricks. do you know how significant that is and why it is your attracted to that image? go there, go deep, go beyond the bricks deeper into your history, past the bricks into what their color, stability, history, symmetry, location, visual memory all means to you and you alone in this moment when all of history pregnant and ripe with imagination comes flying into your consciousness. you got it, bro! gho deeper, always further
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